Janice Dickinson And Mating Pairs

In season four, episode six of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it was all about prospective model couples. It was an examination of which pairs might have a future and which ones are as unlikely a match as would be Gov. Palin and Mensa.

Paul Vandervort and Traci Moslenko: Paul likes Traci a lot, more so after their close contact at the Ed Hardy shoot, and he finally told her so. Traci, on the other hand, sees Paul like a little boy (literally) with a school crush on teacher. She likes him, but she seemed to be a little creeped out about his affection, especially when he kept pecking at her cheek. Paul thinks Traci is hot, saying that when Traci gave him a lap dance it was like he was still at Hooters (because her in his lap was like being served another heaping mound of boneless wings?)

Chandler Maness and Traci Moslenko: In this episode, Chandler referred to Traci as a s!ut and a hooker. Janice saw him do this with her hidden cameras and confronted him on it. She told him he shouldn't speak that way because he could be President. In summary, Chandler and Traci's future together at best would be her giving him a Lewinsky outside the Oval Office.

Crystal Trueheart and J.P. Calderon: J.P counseled Crystal when she felt bad after being criticized by a client. Besides the fact that J.P. is gay, he is not boyfriend material. With his constant comforting and advice. he's too much like Maria von Trapp's mother superior, and who needs someone in their life who is likely to prostitute you out to a retired naval captain with seven kids?

Crystal Trueheart and Chandler Maness: When given an opportunity to pick a man to practice doing some nasty dancing on, Crystal picked Chandler. She doesn't have any special attraction to him, but she wanted to send a clear signal to Sorin Mihalache, who has feelings for Crystal, that she and Sorin are never going to be a couple. You can't blame a girl for not wanting to go back with Sorin to his Hostel village in Romania.

Xian Mikol and Danny Nunez: In the same dance situation as above, Xian chose to shake her booty on Danny. Xian and Danny both have well rounded booty, but it looks good on him, not on her. Xian doesn't have feelings for Danny, but she didn't appreciate her showmance partner Chandler's close attention to Crystal's gyrations, so she decided to get back at him by picking one of his rivals in the model house. Danny clearly did not mind being used in this way.

Danny Nunez and Chandler Maness: Danny believes that Chandler is a "douchebag". Fittingly, their relationship chances are as sour as vinegar.

Chandler Maness and Sorin Mihalache: In this case opposites do not attract. Chandler is the intelligent college man and Sorin is the rube who just fell off the Transylvanian turnip truck. For Chandler, this imbalance could have been okay. Loving to show off and to push people's buttons, Chandler would relish running rational rings around Sorin, but Sorin's limitations with English give Sorin a blissfully ignorant defense against Chandler's verbal volleys. Chandler realizes his talents are wasted on Sorin and that he needs to find someone more resourceful to spar with.

Sorin Mihalache and Crystal Trueheart: Crystal wears haute couture; Sorin wears a cut-off "security" shirt. I can't think of anything else that says it more clearly.

Chandler Maness and Xian Mikol: This is the perfect match. Xian and Chandler appreciate each other's ability to be snide and cold as ice. They are the next Bill and Hillary.

Janice Dickinson and Merlin Castell: Did Fez have a fashion designing cousin? If Fez did, even he would have been to embarrassed to have talked about this one. Between Merlin and Janice, they share the same view on what is the most important need in the world: preserving size zero models. That's a plus, but the deal breaker is that Merlin likes to crack a whip, and there's only room for one dominatrix in a relationship with Janice.

Janice Dickinson And Watching Grass Grow

In season four, episode five of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it became unquestionably clear how dull the show has become and how different this season is from previous ones in its lack of any enticement for tuning in each week. Gone are the risque images of homoerotic bare man booty. Nearly gone is Janice's shredding of the models' dignity and view of their self-worth. The result is that all goodness and no butt shots makes Janice a very dull girl.

In past seasons, there was the constant bickering between Janice and her ex-business partner Peter Hamm that would inject drama and friction into every episode. Now the show has to bring back Brian Kehoe repeatedly in a series of brief and mildly sad debasements of its former supporting star supplicating to Janice for forgiveness and Janice coldly denying clemency. The second time this occurred in this episode, Kehoe stood outside the model house, staring at the door, just waiting for something to happen. How like the experience of viewers this season.

We used to be able witness Janice ripping into the models and telling them how bad she thinks they are. Now we see her being all sweetness and light, as she was when she counseled Paul Vandervort about his concerns with being too short and not being selected by clients. The old Janice would have told Paul to get taller or get out. Now Mama Janice hugs and says everything is going to be okay. Miss Dickinson has become Mrs. Rodgers.

On the show's storylines, I haven't gone along with others' views that everything on this show is made-up but it's getting harder to resist that conclusion. When Kehoe showed up at the TINte Cosmetics shoot, you could easily imagine hearing a director tell Xian Mikol to experiment speaking her line in different ways. To herself, she said: "Why is he here? WHY is he HERE?" To Crystal Trueheart, "Why is he HERE?" To Kehoe, "Why are YOU here?" Hey Xian, one more time, with feeling.

A second contrived event was Nathan Romano from Ed Hardy showing up out of the blue at the model house with his photographer Steven Barston. No appointment, not believable. It appears to have been done to create a gag of Sorin Mihalache shutting the door in their face and making them wait while Janice runs through the house telling her models to clean up. Too cliche.

As I stated last season, I like Nathan Romano, and it is nice to see that he agreed with my comments on how good Payton Brady wore his company's underwear. Unfortunately, the photoshoot this episode lacked the spark and excitement of the Miami runway show. The wearing of two layers of underwear by the models during the photoshoot aptly reflected the tone of everything: safe and bland and suitable for families. Even having Traci Moslenko topless was mitigated by having Payton Brady immediately call his girlfriend to confess and state how pure the event actually was. More interesting would have been to see Payton visit a chiropractor to have his back looked at every having well-rounded Traci jump into his arms.

Strangely, the history quiz led by Janice's daughter Savannah ended up being the best part of the episode. It wasn't very entertaining, but it did allow viewers who learned something from it not to feel like they had completely wasted an hour of their life.

On the other hand, it looks like the show's producers believe their viewers must be somewhat slow witted. They have Martin Ritchie, as the quiet observer, give a inside summary of who on the show is flirting with whom, just in case the viewers couldn't quite comprehend what they had just seen where the models explicitly stated who they were interested in. With that kind of analysis, is there anything left for me to do?

Janice Dickinson And Role Playing

In season four, episode three of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it was all about Janice and the models presenting themselves as they wanted to be seen on camera. Sometimes it was for the better, sometimes it was just bizarre.

The episode began with Janice apparently trying to portray a typical hausfrau, which is as believable as Marie Antoinette pretending to be a shepherdess. She was seen mopping the floor for a few seconds, just long enough to establish her bona fides in front of the camera that she knows how to clean house. She quickly grew tired of it and the mop went back into the hands of her all-purpose Igor, Sorin Mihalache. She then stormed through the house finding things to clean and garbage to throw out, loading Sorin with garbage bags the way the Grinch loaded down his down Max. Janice tried to make a bed but gave up in frustration, claiming her bitch nails wouldn't let her tuck the bedding in. Returning to her true role as queen of the realm, she got the female models to do it while letting them know she considered them pigs. Now that's the real Janice we know and love.

As strange as seeing Janice as a maid was, it was more shocking to see her getting up from bed in the morning and walking around the house in her robe, toothbrush in her mouth, checking on things, without makeup and without hair styling. In summary: visual unpleasantness. I had always assumed Gabe slept at her feet like the lap dog that he is and was ready to do her face as soon as she stirred. Otherwise, what's the point of keeping that obnoxious chihuahua?

Turning to the other wacky star of the show, Brian Kehoe has been pulling out all the stops. In the previous episode, Kehoe spoke privately with Janice and gave a sob story that he had no place to go and that he had slept in his car the previous night. Like in a bad horror movie where you know where such things are going to lead to, Janice let down her guard and allowed the seemingly normal young man to stay at the house.

The start of the unraveling was Kehoe bathing naked in the pool with soap. Okay, strange. It then progressed to loud, irrational confrontations with the other models at all hours of the night. Of course, the pseudo-psychosis was obviously for show. Kehoe did a convincing job of pretending to be a frat boy with paranoid personality disorder on angel dust, but it was clear that it was a put on for the camera. Kehoe is too nice for it to be real and if it doesn't seem real, it is not interesting to watch.

However, for the other models, such a display was still noisy and disruptive so it indeed pissed people off. Even deaf Martin Ritchie said Kehoe was loud. Of course, Martin as always was so sweet and adorable when he said that.

The beginning of the end was at a house party where Kehoe told Crystal Truehart that she should do blow in order to lose weight. Janice heard this and tossed Kehoe out of the house. Though it's beyond unreal, the Kehoe as a nutcase storyline will unfortunately continue like Michael Myers popping up over and over. Maybe it would be best if Janice would bring in a cosmetic skull doctor who could give Kehoe a quick extreme makeover with electroconvulsive therapy and be done with it.

The big client of the episode was Kentucky Denim Jeans, which did a photo shoot with some selected models at the Santa Anita racetrack. The boy models put out for stud were Chandler Maness, Martin Ritchie, Brian Kehoe, Dominic Figlio, and Christian Prelle.

First up was Chandler and Christian on a tractor combine thingy. I think Chandler's best feature so far is his hair. It's versatile. It looked great slicked down for the sophisticated, old world Nicolita look and also great messed up for a rugged farm hand pose. Martin climbed on the apparatus appearing with Dominic. Oh, be still my heart. Martin was totally believable as some sort of red state plow boy. A manly man. I will say at this point that his hair style and especially the color are really working for him. It doesn't look as good in his photos of the past when he didn't have the blonding.

Janice showed up with her super sized Dollar General derby hat. You know, when something looks incredibly cheap I don't think you really want to go large with it. It only needed a hanging price tag to complete the Minnie Pearl goes to the races look.

Janice found out from owner Liat Tala that Martin did a good job. Martin was happy that he was able to show everyone that he could do good as a model. Martin had talked through his interpreter about feeling left out when others are speaking audibly and he can't hear them. He said they forget to write things down in order to include him. I know what he's talking about. I have the same feeling when the janitorial staff at work is speaking in tongues, leaving me wondering what they are saying about me.

Can't forget to mention Paul Vandervort. At dinner one nightm, out of all the models. Janice called Paul over to take away her dishes, although she couldn't remember what his name was. It was then that I realized why Paul looks familiar. At every function I've been to, there is always a cater/waiter that looks a lot like Paul. Put him in a white jacket and he's perfect for the part.

Janice Dickinson In The Big Mother House

In season four, episode one of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it was all about the usual addition of new models and this season, for the first time, the usage of a common abode for Janice and her models. At the start of a new season Janice needs to replenish her stock and that has been a customary part of the show. The use of a single living environment is a significant change to the dynamics of the show (although it is a common element in reality TV) and it will be interesting to see how it affects the drama.

To start things off, Janice Dickinson gave an introduction for the season, bringing her viewers up to date on her partnership dissolution with Peter Hamm. She explained that the separation required a division of the assets and that she was able to keep most of her favorite models. Her list of them by name was J.P. Calderon, Crystal Truehart, Brian Kehoe, Traci Moslenko, Dominic Figlio, Christian Prelle, Payton Brady, Danny Nunez, CC Fontana, and "several others". I don't know how the several other models felt by this pronouncement (especially Michael Anderson who was shown as she spoke the words), but if I were listed in "others", I'm not sure I would consider myself actually to be one of her "favorites".

What can we learn from her enumerated list? One thing is that 7 of the 9 are men, which buttresses my previous statement that predominantly the male models should be shown on the television show, with maybe a few video clips of the women tagged on to the show's web site. However, if Janice were to expand her yet-to-be shown plus-size division by adding a drag queen subdivision, that could be worth watching on TV also. It would be a hoot just to see them all come to every casting dressed and made up to look like Janice.

Janice also asked the question, "And what would the agency be without the ever-loving Sorin [Mihalache] on security duty?" Hmmm, let me think about that. More dignified, more respectable, less bizarre? Is one of those the right answer?

The selection of the new models was done at a VIP (pre-selected) casting call at Siren Studios in LA. Janice Dickinson bounced into the room exuberantly happy to see the prospects. She modestly tried to cut the thunderous applause that the applicants gave at the sight of the legendary world's first supermodel. The camera didn't show if anyone swooned at the experience but I would imagine at least a few people would have had to when received into her presence. Needless to say, Janice looked stunning with her perfect figure and timeless beauty. Her taut boobies stayed perfectly in place.

Janice stated, "All I need is one thing: that capital I-T, that solid it thing that no one else can see but me." Here I have to disagree with Janice. When I'm out hunting down that solid it thing on a Saturday night, I want it to be visible from across the street, preferably hidden by nothing more than a pair of lycra bike shorts.

Sentimentally, my favorite Janice line was "Boys, boys, boys, I need you to do one thing: take your shirts off!" I will leave for another time the story of when I used that same line on a pair of Mormon missionaries.

Here are the models she selected:

• Chandler Maness was concerned about how well he would do considering the competition in the room. He had nothing to worry about although he almost escaped Janice's eye. He shows a lot of personality for the camera in his expression.
• Martin Ritchie is a model who is deaf and looks so cute and sweet. Janice gave him a big hug, which I think a lot of viewers are going to want to do also. His interpreter Jerry Ferris is modelicious himself.
• Paul Vandervort is a diminutive model who has the face and teeth to do okay, but the chest in the side view is looking like a B cup and I just don't find that flattering on a man. When building definition in the pectorals you have to know when to stop, although I realize the temptation to keep going past the limit of where it looks good. It's especially not good on a smaller frame. It makes the proportions out of whack.
• Gavyn Michaels to me looks reminiscent of Paul Rudd.

At some point Janice Dickinson got it in her head that to enhance her oversight of her models she needed to open a "model house" where her best models would live with her and she would keep a close eye on how they prepared themselves to be top-notch model material.

She arranged to rent a suitably sized house and was excited with most of it until she saw her master bedroom. She decided it had to be remodeled before it could be considered habitable. Her choice of decorator was Christopher Ciccone. I have to say this for the sake of completeness: "Madonna's brother", but really anyone who is watching JDMA should already know that. Janice told him that she basically had no money to pay him, so then it's not clear if the lack of money or Chris' (or at least his assistants') lack of taste is what led to the result: a cherry red, Dutch whore house design. I hope Janice was just being polite when she compared the bedroom to the virgin white remainder of the house: "This is more me than the rest of the house." Okay.

In a closet enclosure in her bedroom, it was revealed that it contained a big display monitor connected to many security cameras throughout the house. It sounded too much like a mixture of JDMA with Big Brother and I hope this is not jumping the shark.

To fill the house Janice first "summoned" what she called her "pre-existing" models, as in "pre-existing disease". That didn't sound so good for what might lie ahead. The returning models brought their suitcases and given the circumstances thought they would be living there for the duration of the season's taping. Only the highly astute Kehoe realized that there were too few beds in the house for all of the returning models to use, much like Rose noticed about the number of lifeboats in Titanic. Again, not boding well.

Janice personally brought her bevy of newbies to the house and displayed them to the returning models. She then unveiled the surprise that only fifteen out of the combined total of new and returning models would actually be chosen to live in the house. The returning models felt confident about being selected and so had no problem partying near if not exactly with the new models at the house until the final selection was made. J.P. Calderon arrived late and after being loved by all the returning models he saw the separation between new and old and went out of his way to introduce himself to the new ones. Kehoe was Keyhole to the new models, playing his specified role in this production.

The client in this episode was Nicolita Sainz, a Cuban swimwear designer, who needed one female to be the new face for the company and one male model to be her admirer. You would think Danny Nunez, of Cuban descent, would be a shoo-in, but he still appears too shy and uncertain of himself when auditioning. Instead the male position went to Chandler Maness, who was noted for his expressive eyes.

In the end, Janice Dickinson ended up only choosing nine people to live in the house and they were all new models. Everybody else she threw out. The returning models were understandably angry about the decision, but if they know anything about Janice they should know that her methodology includes making models angry at their competitors so they will try harder to beat them. She does it like prepping pit bulls before a dog fight, but for these doe-eyed models it's really like rubbing a puppy's nose in their own dookie - it has no idea what's going on.

Janice Dickinson And Paul Vandervort

In season four of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, one of the new models that have been added to the cast is Paul Vandervort. Before his working with JDMA, a highlight of Paul's professional career has been to be photographed by Bruce Weber for Abercrombie & Fitch.

Paul Vandervort is just shy of 5'10", which is shorter than normal for a model, but as anyone would know who has read anything I have posted here, I certainly appreciate men of all sizes and like to see those under 6' get opportunities as well. I think most people will see Paul as having a pretty face and that makes up for any challenge in vertical length.

On the other hand, I think with a pretty face it's still possible overall to be too smooth, too slick, too artificial looking. Pretty faces are surprisingly a dime a dozen, but the real standouts, the stars, are the people with distinctive looks. Consider some of the other models at the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, like Brian Kehoe, J.P. Calderon, Danny Nunez, and even Payton Brady. There's no confusing them with anyone else. It's their uniqueness that makes their fans see them as attractive with no suitable substitutes. I don't know that Paul Vandervort has that kind of uniqueness.

Put another way, it's like looking at a handsome mannequin. You may enjoy a few moments looking at it but it's not something you would have dinner with or spend time with at a party. Or maybe you would - whatever trips your trigger.

I have written before about men that become overdeveloped physically, and while Paul Vandervort is certainly not bad in that department in general, I think he may crossed the line for a male model. Models have to work to get a certain level of definition but then they have to make sure that they don't bulk up. Paul's A+F photos look just about right for musculature, but I think since then he may gone a little overboard in the gym. I know it's tempting to think that because one level of muscle mass brings some success then even more muscle will add more success. It doesn't work that way for fashion modeling.

Paul Vandervort has spoken about his frequent workouts and his need to do so. I can't help but be reminded me of a friend of mine who was clearly obsessive/compulsive about going to the gym. If he were ever forced to miss a day he became quite distraught and if it were two days he would start to think his body was breaking down, his health disintegrating, and his appeal fading. He realized he had a problem but didn't know what to do to handle it. It makes me wonder sometimes if admiring someone's physique is complementing their commitment to physical fitness or just being an enabler for OCD.

I think working out can be compared to going to the bathroom. It's a good and necessary thing to do and it's healthy to do it often, but if you were to mention a lot to others your trips to the toilet, people would think something was really wrong with you. It's best to treat it as TMI.

It's clear that Paul Vandervort will be a featured model this season with a relatively good amount of air time. It's not clear yet if he has the kind of personality you need to have to be a star on reality TV. It's reported that Paul and Kehoe hang out together on a regular basis so there must be something there, as I can't imagine Kehoe wasting time with someone that wasn't pretty interesting.