Thursday, August 28, 2008

Janice Dickinson In The Big Mother House

In season four, episode one of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, it was all about the usual addition of new models and this season, for the first time, the usage of a common abode for Janice and her models. At the start of a new season Janice needs to replenish her stock and that has been a customary part of the show. The use of a single living environment is a significant change to the dynamics of the show (although it is a common element in reality TV) and it will be interesting to see how it affects the drama.

To start things off, Janice Dickinson gave an introduction for the season, bringing her viewers up to date on her partnership dissolution with Peter Hamm. She explained that the separation required a division of the assets and that she was able to keep most of her favorite models. Her list of them by name was J.P. Calderon, Crystal Truehart, Brian Kehoe, Traci Moslenko, Dominic Figlio, Christian Prelle, Payton Brady, Danny Nunez, CC Fontana, and "several others". I don't know how the several other models felt by this pronouncement (especially Michael Anderson who was shown as she spoke the words), but if I were listed in "others", I'm not sure I would consider myself actually to be one of her "favorites".

Payton BradyWhat can we learn from her enumerated list? One thing is that 7 of the 9 are men, which buttresses my previous statement that predominantly the male models should be shown on the television show, with maybe a few video clips of the women tagged on to the show's web site. However, if Janice were to expand her yet-to-be shown plus-size division by adding a drag queen subdivision, that could be worth watching on TV also. It would be a hoot just to see them all come to every casting dressed and made up to look like Janice.

Janice also asked the question, "And what would the agency be without the ever-loving Sorin [Mihalache] on security duty?" Hmmm, let me think about that. More dignified, more respectable, less bizarre? Is one of those the right answer?

The selection of the new models was done at a VIP (pre-selected) casting call at Siren Studios in LA. Janice Dickinson bounced into the room exuberantly happy to see the prospects. She modestly tried to cut the thunderous applause that the applicants gave at the sight of the legendary world's first supermodel. The camera didn't show if anyone swooned at the experience but I would imagine at least a few people would have had to when received into her presence. Needless to say, Janice looked stunning with her perfect figure and timeless beauty. Her taut boobies stayed perfectly in place.

Janice stated, "All I need is one thing: that capital I-T, that solid it thing that no one else can see but me." Here I have to disagree with Janice. When I'm out hunting down that solid it thing on a Saturday night, I want it to be visible from across the street, preferably hidden by nothing more than a pair of lycra bike shorts.

Sentimentally, my favorite Janice line was "Boys, boys, boys, I need you to do one thing: take your shirts off!" I will leave for another time the story of when I used that same line on a pair of Mormon missionaries.

Here are the models she selected:

  • Chandler Maness was concerned about how well he would do considering the competition in the room. He had nothing to worry about although he almost escaped Janice's eye. He shows a lot of personality for the camera in his expression.
  • Martin Ritchie is a model who is deaf and looks so cute and sweet. Janice gave him a big hug, which I think a lot of viewers are going to want to do also. His interpreter Jerry Ferris is modelicious himself.
  • Paul Vandervort is a diminutive model who has the face and teeth to do okay, but the chest in the side view is looking like a B cup and I just don't find that flattering on a man. When building definition in the pectorals you have to know when to stop, although I realize the temptation to keep going past the limit of where it looks good. It's especially not good on a smaller frame. It makes the proportions out of whack.
  • Gavyn Michaels to me looks reminiscent of Paul Rudd.
At some point Janice Dickinson got it in her head that to enhance her oversight of her models she needed to open a "model house" where her best models would live with her and she would keep a close eye on how they prepared themselves to be top-notch model material.

Janice DickinsonShe arranged to rent a suitably sized house and was excited with most of it until she saw her master bedroom. She decided it had to be remodeled before it could be considered habitable. Her choice of decorator was Christopher Ciccone. I have to say this for the sake of completeness: "Madonna's brother", but really anyone who is watching JDMA should already know that. Janice told him that she basically had no money to pay him, so then it's not clear if the lack of money or Chris' (or at least his assistants') lack of taste is what led to the result: a cherry red, Dutch whore house design. I hope Janice was just being polite when she compared the bedroom to the virgin white remainder of the house: "This is more me than the rest of the house." Okay.

In a closet enclosure in her bedroom, it was revealed that it contained a big display monitor connected to many security cameras throughout the house. It sounded too much like a mixture of JDMA with Big Brother and I hope this is not jumping the shark.

Brian KehoeTo fill the house Janice first "summoned" what she called her "pre-existing" models, as in "pre-existing disease". That didn't sound so good for what might lie ahead. The returning models brought their suitcases and given the circumstances thought they would be living there for the duration of the season's taping. Only the highly astute Kehoe realized that there were too few beds in the house for all of the returning models to use, much like Rose noticed about the number of lifeboats in Titanic. Again, not boding well.

Janice personally brought her bevy of newbies to the house and displayed them to the returning models. She then unveiled the surprise that only fifteen out of the combined total of new and returning models would actually be chosen to live in the house. The returning models felt confident about being selected and so had no problem partying near if not exactly with the new models at the house until the final selection was made. J.P. Calderon arrived late and after being loved by all the returning models he saw the separation between new and old and went out of his way to introduce himself to the new ones. Kehoe was Keyhole to the new models, playing his specified role in this production.

Chandler ManessThe client in this episode was Nicolita Sainz, a Cuban swimwear designer, who needed one female to be the new face for the company and one male model to be her admirer. You would think Danny Nunez, of Cuban descent, would be a shoo-in, but he still appears too shy and uncertain of himself when auditioning. Instead the male position went to Chandler Maness, who was noted for his expressive eyes.

In the end, Janice Dickinson ended up only choosing nine people to live in the house and they were all new models. Everybody else she threw out. The returning models were understandably angry about the decision, but if they know anything about Janice they should know that her methodology includes making models angry at their competitors so they will try harder to beat them. She does it like prepping pit bulls before a dog fight, but for these doe-eyed models it's really like rubbing a puppy's nose in their own dookie - it has no idea what's going on.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Janice Dickinson And Chandler Maness

In season four of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, one of the new models that Janice brings in off of the street in her elusive search for the ultimate superstar model is actor-model Chandler Maness. What's notable about him from my perspective is that he appears to be someone that I can report really wants to be a working actor and I don't have to roll my eyes as I type that.

My first view of Chandler Maness was him in a video clip giving a tour of Janice Dickinson's "model house". The house is where some of the season 4 models lived with Janice during the show's taping and it is the big gimmick for the season. I was indifferent about the house, but what I found more interesting was the way that Chandler appeared on camera. He has the face and demeanor that you can tell can play various characters with subtlety and believability. It's a presence that was more than just a model or even an ordinary person walking around pointing out furniture.

Even though Chandler Maness' primary career choice is acting, he still has what it takes to be a model. In episode one of season four of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Chandler became the first male model of the season to book a job, beating out some of the models from the previous season. As long as you have the right look, I'm sure it's easier to be an actor doing modeling than a model doing some acting, because as an actor one should be more able to evoke the feeling the photographer wants to be portrayed. On the other hand, not being a full time model Chandler probably doesn't work out as much as he would need to, so I wouldn't expect to see him book the hot male underwear and swimwear jobs. His swimsuit pictures on clearly aren't as favorable as those for the other male models.

Background: Chandler Maness was born in the Netherlands into an American military family. Accordingly, he then moved around a lot. After graduating from high school in Washington, D.C., Chandler attended College of Charleston in South Carolina with a double major in both drama and history with a minor in classics. Early in 2008, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career as an actor in independent films.

My perception so far is that Chandler Maness is someone that is smart and analytical. He's reasonably optimistic about his future, trusting himself to push forward in the direction he wants to go and to navigate successfully the unplanned opportunities that may present themselves. I think he is someone who will accept what others can do for him, but when necessary will work to create his own situations that give him opportunity to succeed. He knows he is not perfect but realizes that the attributes he has are pretty good. He sees no reason to be pretentious or not honest since being himself will be of more value in the end.

Of course this is just a first impression. As the season goes on I may find I have created a load of crap. Thank goodness for the edit function.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Janice Dickinson And Martin Ritchie

In season four of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, one of the new models is Martin Ritchie. Besides being attractive, Martin appears to have a big personality, which is important for being on a reality show. He also seems like a nice person and I hope that we get to see a good amount of him on air.

He said on an interview that his guilty pleasure is cookies. He has to grab some whenever he goes to the store. Martin is known to be of the gay persuasion, so if by "cookies", he means "penis", and by "store", he means my bedroom, I think I could really like this guy.

Martin Ritchie happens to be deaf and he has mentioned that it has caused him to be transparently discriminated against at auditions. Nevertheless, Martin maintains a positive outlook on life and points to his casting on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency as evidence that perseverance and a good attitude can lead you to achieve your dreams.

In an interview with The Dallas Voice, Martin told of his background. He was born in Lakeland, Florida, but considers himself from Austin, Texas, where his mother still lives. He decided his career would be in modeling (with dentistry as his second choice) and he moved to Hollywood to try to get his career started. He has never been an Abercrombie & Fitch model but in the meantime, he did get as far as working in one of their stores.

He had auditioned for Janice Dickinson but had been rejected at first because he had a "muffin top," which is to say too much flab in the abdomen. After working on his abs he did get picked for season four and was selected to move into the model house with Janice and her other favored models.

In that Dallas Voice interview Martin Ritchie was asked what his idea of a date from hell would be and he answered, "Broken chairs and tables." I don't know if that would be from someone being clumsy, or from a brawl, or just wild sex, but I imagine that Martin has learned by now that if you chain the date to the table or chair before you surprise him with the dripping hot wax, make sure the furniture is sturdy.

On Martin Ritchie's relationship with Janice Dickinson, he told OK! Magazine that Janice is like a second mother to him and that during their time together in the model house she showed him love and affection. Martin said, "I used to have many daydreams of her becoming my mom and knowing that her children must be very grateful and happy to have her."

I had previously mentioned that I also wish that Janice were my mother, but that is so that she would buy me things and introduce me to her male models.

It should be noted that Martin Ritchie appears on adult web sites as “Pauly” on and "York" on but I think he looks a lot better in the publicity shots for Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency than he does unclothed on those sites.

I'm a sucker for good people, with good personality that persevere against adversity and from what I can tell, Martin Ritchie should be one of my favorites this season and provide some interesting scenes for the show.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Janice Dickinson And Paul Vandervort

In season four of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, one of the new models that have been added to the cast is Paul Vandervort. Before his working with JDMA, a highlight of Paul's professional career has been to be photographed by Bruce Weber for Abercrombie & Fitch.

Paul Vandervort is just shy of 5'10", which is shorter than normal for a model, but as anyone would know who has read anything I have posted here, I certainly appreciate men of all sizes and like to see those under 6' get opportunities as well. I think most people will see Paul as having a pretty face and that makes up for any challenge in vertical length.

On the other hand, I think with a pretty face it's still possible overall to be too smooth, too slick, too artificial looking. Pretty faces are surprisingly a dime a dozen, but the real standouts, the stars, are the people with distinctive looks. Consider some of the other models at the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, like Brian Kehoe, J.P. Calderon, Danny Nunez, and even Payton Brady. There's no confusing them with anyone else. It's their uniqueness that makes their fans see them as attractive with no suitable substitutes. I don't know that Paul Vandervort has that kind of uniqueness.

Put another way, it's like looking at a handsome mannequin. You may enjoy a few moments looking at it but it's not something you would have dinner with or spend time with at a party. Or maybe you would - whatever trips your trigger.

I have written before about men that become overdeveloped physically, and while Paul Vandervort is certainly not bad in that department in general, I think he may crossed the line for a male model. Models have to work to get a certain level of definition but then they have to make sure that they don't bulk up. Paul's A+F photos look just about right for musculature, but I think since then he may gone a little overboard in the gym. I know it's tempting to think that because one level of muscle mass brings some success then even more muscle will add more success. It doesn't work that way for fashion modeling.

Paul Vandervort has spoken about his frequent workouts and his need to do so. I can't help but be reminded me of a friend of mine who was clearly obsessive/compulsive about going to the gym. If he were ever forced to miss a day he became quite distraught and if it were two days he would start to think his body was breaking down, his health disintegrating, and his appeal fading. He realized he had a problem but didn't know what to do to handle it. It makes me wonder sometimes if admiring someone's physique is complementing their commitment to physical fitness or just being an enabler for OCD.

I think working out can be compared to going to the bathroom. It's a good and necessary thing to do and it's healthy to do it often, but if you were to mention a lot to others your trips to the toilet, people would think something was really wrong with you. It's best to treat it as TMI.

It's clear that Paul Vandervort will be a featured model this season with a relatively good amount of air time. It's not clear yet if he has the kind of personality you need to have to be a star on reality TV. It's reported that Paul and Kehoe hang out together on a regular basis so there must be something there, as I can't imagine Kehoe wasting time with someone that wasn't pretty interesting.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Battle Of The Bulges

The semifinals for the men's 3m springboard diving at the Beijing Olympics were appropriately shown after midnight on NBC. Presumably it was to keep the kiddies and the faint-hearted from seeing the bodacious bulges most of the divers were sporting. Most of the men are on the small side in height but for whatever reason they seem to be full size or larger in the naughty bits area and relatively speaking, it's a sight to see.

Usually the television cameras won't acknowledge that male divers or swimmers even have a body below the waistline if the athletes should dare to bare even the slightest hint of anything more than a Ken doll front. The rules seem to be just a little relaxed for the diving coverage and it is quite a shock to see what we have been missing. You can't help but stare at the rounded protuberance pushing out the fabric, and wonder what's in that pouch? A cup? A codpiece? A flotation device?

With the high-def coverage it all looks pretty real, although with seemingly more tension on the lycra than in the board, you wonder if the divers will spring out before they spring up. Of course the benefit of a couple of pud pounds is that it cans be used as a substantial counter weight when the diver is facing backwards on the end of the board standing on just their toes.

Troy DumaisOne of the biggest of the big boys is American Troy Dumais. 2008 is his 3rd Olympics, after placing 6th in both Sydney and Athens. It was noted that he has only 4% body fat, which is probably way to little. About Troy from the TMI department, Cynthia Potter blabbed, "He said he had trouble with his bottoms yesterday." Considering that equipment of his, they're probably just a little sore, but it's nice to know there are more than one of them to share the load. Cynthia went on to say, "He didn't kick out and go in as straight as he would like to." Ouch.

Another of the well-endowed buff divers is the ever popular Alexandre Despatie from Quebec. As usual, he showed his stuff, literally. Man, that's what I call a well stuffed tourtière.

Chris Colwill is the other American in the competition. He's just happy to be there although he sometimes look like he doesn't know where there is.

Surprisingly there was a dive shown by Ken Terauchi from Japan. Japan is the country that currently has the 9th most medals at these Olympics but whose athletes NBC has cast as extras in their production. We only get a glimpse of them when the commentators are compelled to explain that somehow someone from a country other than China or the United States has won (during the commercial break?) one of the other medals.

Very sexy is Yahel Castillo from Mexico. He is compact, dark, and handsome. He also has the best haunches by far. He's got that badunkadunk in the rear working for him big time.

I should mention that Reuben Ross from Saskatchewan is cute. Commentator Ted Robinson expressed amazement that Canadians in the middle of that empty space between New York and Alaska could actually have pools and learn how to dive, which didn't seem very nice.

Illya KvashaThe best diver of the semifinal was He Chong from China. It was too bad that Cynthia Potter and Ted Robinson didn't do a Abbott and Costello routine with the name: "He first.". "Who He?" "He He", etc.

My personal favorite was Illya Kvasha. He's just really charming in a Ukrainian kind of way. Unfortunately, of all the divers I mentioned here, he and Ross were the only ones that didn't end up in the top 12 and on to the finals.

The thing the viewers weren't suppose to hear: before a break to commercial there was about a second of Abba's Dancing Queen heard playing at the venue. From what I know of spectators at men's diving events, it seemed to be a good song choice for the clientele.