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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Wheels In Motion

At the start of episode nine of America's Most Smartest Model, the alliance against VJ Logan was still as optimistic as a Soviet five-year plan, despite having lost a member while not even grazing VJ. For the next challenge, they were required to pair into teams with one model going solo and this really showed their current mental state. Rachel still felt no worries with Andre, saying she had a good shot with him by her side. If she meant being shot down like a dingo by the judges then she was right on target. Brett Novek, having not quite recovered from his loss, paired with a now imaginary Jeff Pickel.

For their Edge Challenge, the models traveled to Stratos Karts where they met Carter Oosterhouse from HGTV. Carter was there to help them with their task, which was to put together go-carts and use them to race against each other. Rachel, after having some impure feelings down under while thinking about having Carter's joey, stated she thought her team would be okay putting together a cart because Andre is a man. Rachel, two things: 1) I think the hole in the ozone has shorted-out the logic areas of your brain, and 2) being a man hasn't helped me know anything more about a vehicle other than than where the key goes, where the gas goes, and where my feet go when I'm getting boffed in a reclining bucket seat.

Brett Novek VJ LoganMary Alice Stephenson noticed that Brett was by himself and asked him if he was missing Pickel. Brett put his arm around something only he could see and in disturbing Carol Ann manner announced "He's he-re." He said it with such sincerity I started to think maybe there really was something there. My concern was justified when the challenge started and nuts and bolts inexplicably flew off of Brett's cart. I realized that imaginary Pickel may be actually be poltergeist Pickel. Suddenly the image of Pickel appeared in a glowing aureole and I instinctively arose and shouted as the Mangina that I am, "Don't go into the light, Brett! Make me bark like a dog, Brett!" I guess I should point out that that second line is what I yell at the TV every time Brett appears.

Brett Novek Jeff PickelI quickly decided I was actually seeing a beautiful vision. It was the spirit of Pickle. He had returned from the aftershow-life to let us know that he'd gone to a better place and he was thinking about spanking Brett's hiney. For me, that was all the confirmation I needed to realize that it was the real Pickel.

Content with that knowledge of life after purging, I watched the teams continue to work to put their carts together. Of course Angela had had experience working on cars and of course she and VJ finished first. Andre and Rachel had some trouble, since go-carts are significantly more complex that were Soviet automobiles. Brett, on the other hand. was slowed down by the voice of a now know-it-all spirit mentor hovering over him. In the end, the foreigners persevered, finishing second while a phantom Pickel made sure what was left of last place Brett's self-esteem was as plucked as both their eyebrows.

Brett NovekSince only the first two teams were allowed to race, Brett had to play with himself when they went to the track. Brett lamented how sad it was being at the track sitting there with his thumb in his ass. Brett, if you were doing that and still feeling sad, I don't think you were doing it right. This is where Obi-Pickel should have provided him some useful advice: "Use the forefinger, Brett, use the forefinger."

During the race Rachel cut off Angela on a curve and Angela and VJ could not recover from it. This gave Rachel and Andre the win and another opportunity never to acknowledge their own shady actions. VJ took pride with the 2nd place finish and didn't blame anyone for cheating, which was noticeably different from how most of the other models acted during the series.

Andre and Rachel discovered that their Edge was access to a manual in the glove compartment of a 2007 convertible Jaguar XKR. The manual provided them information about the car that they would be able to use during the next day's Callback Challenge. They drove the car and themselves back to the house, apparently not realizing that the car was worth almost as much as the less certain VO5 Extreme Style $100,000 prize and that maybe they should just ditch the camera crew and head for the border.

The Callback Challenge is covered in part 2.

In depth coverage and photos of -> America's Most Smartest Model.