Work Out: The All You Can Drink Diet

In season three, episode six of Work Out, it was all about how training clients to lead a healthy lifestyle doesn't preclude the trainers from getting liquored up and enjoying a lot of carb-free wine and booze.

The initial serving from the distilled grain alcohol food group came at the end of the first full day of Jackie Warner's Sky Lab retreat at Dolphin Bay Hotel and Residences. After Jackie went to bed in a futile attempt to get some beauty sleep, the trainers went to the hotel bar for some heavy-duty exercise of their livers and quaffing muscles.

Greg Plitt hit the sauce hard and proposed a tipsy toast to his fellow trainers: "To Skye for bringing us all together. Because without Skye, I wouldn't have known each individual and every single one of you has enriched my life and I hope that maybe I've enriched your life and I think we've all enriched each other's lives through the process." Really, I can't take the credit for bringing them all together, but I appreciate the sopping sentiment.

Erika Jacobson was then inspired by Greg's salute by slurring one of her own: "Here's to a great weekend with a lot of breakthroughs." Strangely, that statement turned out to be more of a premonition than an assessment as Darth Lisa, the menacing office manager of malicious intrigue, proceeded to let the tops of her boobs break out of her stretched open shirt for everyone to inspect. It was nasty. The better breakthrough would have been the one that Greg, as the typical drunken straight boy, was encouraging in Gregg Butler's crotch as Greg copped a substantial feel of Gregg's extra g. I guess it's a quick shot from physical trainer to snake charmer.

Greg "redeemed" himself by getting wasted and near naked with Renessa Williams in the pool and hot tub. I don't condone public displays of heterosexuality so I will censor any other comments about that scene.

Before the retreat ended, Jackie tried to make it seem more worthwhile to the paying clients by spending some time answering questions about nutrition. She talked about food additives, the concept of comfort foods and the need to eat foods that are filling but good for you. Unfortunately for the Sky Lab clients, they could have gotten the same information for free from the USDA's web site, all without forking over thousands of dollars to Jackie. On the other hand, Jesse Brune made the comment that "I don't think that it's a good retreat unless there's a little sex involved." Now to me that would be a good reason to blow your wad spending a weekend with your hunky trainer. It would even be worth listening to Jackie act like she's an expert about anything.

The second round of drinks during this episode came at the Doug Blasdell fundraiser. Brian Peeler was there and since his spirit was troubled from being fired, being separated from his wife, and being basically homeless, he used the good spirits from the cash bar to try to wash his bad ones away. The drinks made Brian a little exuberant but it was totally excusable under the circumstances. The disturbing part of it was when he shared a sloshed love segment with Jackie. He told her loved her, which was absolutely the vodka talking. Nothing that is less than 100 proof could cause anyone to act like they actually loved Jackie. Her emotionless response fortunately helped bring Brian to his senses and with a few fitting expletives he turned his back on the witch for the final time.

Jackie's Retreat From Humanity

In season three, episode five of Work Out, Jackie Warner took her clients and the trainers on an out-of-town retreat. To the viewers, it was like watching Mrs. Voorhees and the camp counselors going to Camp Crystal Lake. Even without the Friday the 13th theme music, you would have to know that nothing good could come from it. With Jackie around a group of strangely unconcerned victims, there were sure to be a lot of hurt feelings and injured bodies lying around.

At the beginning of the episode before the trip, Jackie continued to voice her hatred of Brian Peeler to anyone that would listen. It still infuriated Jackie that anyone had dared to stand up to her, especially a man like Brian. Of course, Jackie wouldn't want anyone to see that someone could successfully get her riled, so despite the fact that everything was captured on camera and despite the fact that all the trainers know what a tyrant she is, Jackie absurdly claimed that she handled Brian's firing "professionally". Such a statement is really beyond belief. It doesn't accurately show the kind of person that Jackie is, whereas her description of Shannon (Brian's Sky Lab partner that Jackie left in the lurch) as one her "pets", does. It's consistent with Jackie's treatment of people like animals. At least she reassigned Shannon to caring JD Jordan (who she told she had her (evil) eye on).

Greg Plitt, as a real stand up guy, spent some time with Brian to make sure he was okay. Greg told Brian that his standing up for his client while putting his job on the line showed real character. Greg also showed that he has a talent for analysis as he went on to say that Jackie attacks Peeler and her own friends for the same reason, that she is someone who has insecurities and who can't accept who they are so they have to belittle others. That's a pretty good observation.

There's no better group to belittle than a captive audience, so Jackie decided to take her Sky Lab clients to a retreat outside of L.A. She claimed she wanted them to have A life changing weekend. Much more likely was that she wanted to have an out of town trip that she could claim as a business expense and where she could cause maximum misery.

The Sky Lab trainers and clients traveled by bus to the Dolphin Bay Hotel and Residences. During the trip Jesse Brune acted as if he was about to kiss Jackie and she pulled away while joking about having cold sores. Jesse politely laughed in order to get along.

After they arrived and ate dinner, Jackie told only the trainers that the next day's activities would start at 5am. She could have told the clients as a courtesy, but her cruel streak wouldn't let her. "There will be tears!" she gleefully uttered.

The next day, Jackie overexerted the clients and particularly relished having obese Deenie walk on her injured ankle. When Deenie stated that she needed water, Jackie ridiculed and castigated her for being dehydrated. Deenie went and got water even though Jackie didn't want her to. It was nice to see Deenie stand up to the witch and also nice to see the Propel brand water bottles obscured after that advertiser couldn't take supporting such a vile person like Jackie after the bad treatment of Jamie Eason.

By the way, is anyone else tired of hearing any kind of exercise session or physical activity called a "boot camp"? I guess I'm having a finger boot camp on my keyboard right now.

At the end of the episode there was a group therapy session where the consensus of the group was to try to destroy whatever hint of self-respect Deenie still had for herself. There was an obvious desire by some of the clients to build themselves up by insulting her, especially super loser Micah. I gained new respect for Deenie for being able to withstand the abuse that was heaped on her and respect for Natalie for caring for a fellow human being rather than joining in the mob mentality. On the other hand, if possible, I lost even more respect for Jackie as she sat back and let it happen.

It was disappointing to see Jesse Brune join in the schoolyard taunts of Deenie and her weight problem. No man is perfect and it appears that Jesse's weakness is to go along with other people rather than standing up for what's right. I assume this behavior may have been caused by a feeling of being left out in his youth and now he goes out of his way to be part of the group. Since Natalie showed that she is willing to protect others even when it is not popular, I hope this is something that she can help her partner Jesse learn to be better at.

Jackie Warner: Bad Boss Or Just Evil?

In season three, episode four of Work Out, there is almost no airtime for Jesse Brune, so all the focus was on Jackie Warner's reign of terror over Sky Sport. Her inexorable displeasure with anything that is good or decent in this world was displayed as she disparaged the trainers and allowed her clients to be mocked.

After she returned from a lesbian cruise, Jackie returned home and spoke about it with her girlfriend, Briana. Jackie said that she "had it up to here with 'the trainers'". You have to imagine her saying it as one may talk about being around livestock or something else less than human. She went on to say, "Just, you know what? I'm not used to being in such small quarters with them. I can take them in doses, but to have to force socializing, like morning, noon and night..." It would have been interesting to hear from the female trainers what it was like being in close quarters with such a vicious creature like Jackie. Their story might have been another "Voyage of the Damned".

At work, Jackie talked to the Sky Lab clients. She wanted to know how they were bonding with their trainers. (Natalie said she and Jesse are practically best friends.) Jackie did a boot camp and was disappointed in the clients' performance (surprise). You know, maybe if she would stop having them exercise outside in the polluted air they wouldn't get winded so easily.

Inside, Lisa, the office's manager of gossip and malicious manipulation, narked to Jackie on Brian Peeler's previous conversation with Don Scott, which was shown in the previous episode. Jackie replied that she always hated Brian and then purportedly gave a list of Brian's faults, but which in fact accurately only described her. "Everything for Brian Peeler is about Brian Peeler" and "'Why aren't I getting enough attention'" and "He bulldozes in on everything." Replace the subject of these jabs with Jackie and it sounds much more believable.

Speaking of being desperate for attention, client Deenie blew up at her trainer Gregg Butler for not being focused enough on her. It sounded like she didn't need a trainer as much as she needs a boyfriend or a shrink or an outfit that resists stains such as a heavy cream sauce or tears (see video clip below). For me, if I'm paying someone for a service, I don't want them to pretend we're friends (unless of course the service is prostitution and the fantasy of the hour is being man's best friend on all fours).

In other news, Gregg Plitt and Erika Jacobson did a photo shoot together and they showed some attraction for each other. Boring.

The real drama of the episode was saved for the end. Jackie and Lisa watched Brian Peeler doing a session with famous fitness model Jamie Eason. One of the two Sky Sport women made fun of Jamie breasts. Jamie's boyfriend overheard the comments and told Jackie that Jamie was a breast cancer survivor. Jackie said the situation was an accident, as in an unfortunate accident that she got caught.

Later, after a meeting with the trainers to discuss making a fitness video, Brian asked to speak with Jackie. He wanted to discuss the Jamie affair. Since he was her trainer, and he was the one that put Jamie in a position to be ridiculed at Sky Sport, he was quite justified to tell Jackie how unacceptable her behavior had been. Jackie said she wasn't going to discuss it. Well, there didn't need to be a discussion. She just needed to sit back and be told what an implacable bitch she is, for whom getting karma cancer would still not be sufficient retribution for her being such a horrible person. She didn't want hear it so she ended up firing Brian to try to silence him.

As he left the office, Brian accurately pointed out that "she is just a worthless human body for doing that to somebody."

About the workout video: Jackie was given an opportunity to make an exercise dvd, proving again that any two-bit "celebrity" can make one. More refuse to fill up the bargain bins at Kmart. Jackie said she wanted to include her sexiest trainers, so of course that should mean that Jesse Brune would have to be included. We'll see.

Digest Of Week Ending 05-02-08

Sunday, April 27. 60 Minutes. There was a segment on the Israel Air Force. As I have said before, there are hot young men defending the Jewish homeland. Because of security reasons, they couldn't show the faces of the airmen, but you could tell they were as sexy as their earthbound counterparts in the IDF. There was also a piece on Supreme Court Justice Anthony Scalia. I believe his conservative views sway his decisions more than a search for justice. but I agree with the concept of original intent. When the original part of the Constitution or any of the amendments were written, they were done succinctly, capturing what the essence of the purpose of clause. They could do that, because most people at the time would know what the language was suppose to cover. The alternative would be to make each amendment contain as much small print as possible to cover every possible situation, like a legal contract. Amendments could be like 60 pages apiece. That's probably what we will see in the future.

Big Brother 9. Thank goodness Adam Jasinski won over Ryan Quicksall. I didn't care for either one of them, but between the two of them, I disliked Ryan more. When the jury was discussing the merits of the two finalists it sounded like they were learning towards Ryan. Egads! It looks like only Joshuah Welch stayed with Ryan till the end though. Was it because of a crush? Regardless, Joshuah made himself sound like an ass when he was trying to bitch out Adam for not being deferential enough to her highness. Joshuah needs to get over himself. On the internet feed he said things that made him seem even more creepy. He's the standard gay psycho bitch that reality TV loves to cast. On the other hand, if he follows through with his suggestion that he might do gay adult video, that could be worth watching. He and other BB9 cast members (including Sheila Kennedy and her son!) partied with Chi Chi LaRue after the wrap party.

Tuesday, April 29. American Idol. Jason Castro keeps getting weaker and weaker. I mean with the sound presence. It just keeps diminishing. Soon he will only be barely humming the songs. He's winding down and he needs to just wander off of the stage and into some smoky haze. I wish David Archuleta would have rather sang "Hello Again" instead of "Sweet Caroline". He could have had a classic performance with it. It's my favorite Neil Diamond song. I have to admit that Syesha did a reasonably good job with it, but I think it would be best sung by a male voice. This week seemed to be the happiest I have seen Archuleta. His eyes were twinkling on overdrive.

Wednesday, April 30. American Idol. I guess it doesn't matter what order the contestants leave before we get to the final two of David Archuleta and David Cook, but the order this season seems more random than in order of talent. Who would think that Brooke White should leave before Jason Castro? Speaking of Jason, wouldn't he be the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul? He could speak inane, not-quite-there blather as well as she has. Of course he might think people have sang four or five songs when they have only sang one, so it would probably be better to stick with Paula.

Thursday, May 1. Survivor. Finally, a dramatic usage of the hidden immunity idol when Amanda Kimmel saved herself and forced the elimination of Alexis Jones. I just with the usage of the idol would also allow the holder to rehide it by ramming it up the ass of the person leading their eviction effort. In this case, a quick thrust sideways up Natalie Bolton would be just what Nat deserved and would make a trip to exile island totally worth it.

Friday, May 2. 20/20: Secrets of the Sistine, Michelangelo's Mystery. This special presentation was about a set of absurd theories on what Michelangelo might have hidden in his imagery when he painted the Sistine Chapel. They only left out the possibility of a second savior on the grassy knoll and God flying in on his extraterrestrial spaceship to give Adam life.