Janice Dickinson Does Miami

In season three, episode nine of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Janice reveals the first step of her new master plan. She has decided to experiment with bicoastalism. To test the Atlantic waters she intends to take some of her models to Miami for a week to assay the market and if there is a strong enough interest then she might consider opening a branch office there. She can only take her top models, so of course her final selection included Brian Kehoe, J.P. Calderon, Danny Nunez, and Payton Brady. Strangely, when she listed for the camera the models that she had selected, she had a special adjective to describe Kehoe, but it was bleeped out.

Many of the models in the agency were excited about the possibility of going to Miami, which I find funny because I lived in South Florida for many years and I think there would be plenty of people there excited about traveling to California. The grass is always greener on the other side of the country. Janice listed off the attributes that she liked about Miami, such as the ocean. I've never been to California, but isn't that big blue thing to the west of it an ocean also?

Another important component of Janice's plan to rule the world is to make her business partner/archenemy Peter Hamm permanently disappear. As an opening stroke, she meets with Jason Otto of Otto Models to discuss collaboration and he is receptive to her suggestions. She wants to use Jason's modeling business acumen to handle her needs that Peter has been unable to satisfy. Jason agrees to something and they seal it with an embrace. I looked at Otto's web site and frankly his guys are nowhere near as good as Janice's so he might get something out of this if can borrow her boys.

Hurricane Janice arrives in Miami and breezes through various media outlets to let the city know that she had arrived. Meanwhile, Peter handles a pre-screening with the most important potential client of the trip, Custo Barcelona. There was a situation normal (all f'd up) with Peter not letting all of the models even know the screening was going on. Traci Moslenko told her roommate CC Fontana about it after it had started, but CC figured out that something wasn't right and began being suspicious of Traci. Like a cigarette ash in a trashcan, you know that there is a good chance this is going to flame up later.

There is an interjection of a non-sequitur scene where Janice talks about her pet, Sorin Mihalache. She has been using him as guard dog for show only, but she decides to have him somewhat trained by a security guard whisperer. Sorin and the teacher practice security by tossing a randomly selected hysterical queen out of the room, presumably for additional comedic relief on top of the comedy that is the show itself.

Back to business, the models go to a cocktail mixer to meet agents and clients. Janice gives a pep talk to them and preaches once again the principles of the Women's Christian Temperance Union. Once the party starts, Janice is surprised to notice that her models are not socializing outside their own group. She doesn't realize that the reason that strangers don't speak to another on a subway or an elevator is because there is no wet bar in them. Alcohol is the lubricant for the tongue and a few of the smarter models try to bend the rules a little to really get the party started. Kehoe gets a glass of wine with a little more in it than what could be sucked out of the cork. Hawkeye Dickinson quickly sees the misstep and has Kehoe escorted from the party. She later walks out and berates him and his buddy Chris Jones some more. Kehoe responds by skipping step one and going directly to step two: recognizing Janice as a Higher Power.

Afterwards the models party the night away in one of their hotel rooms, far away from Janice's suite. The ember that started between Traci and CC gets hot when CC confronts Traci about lies that Traci told about her to casting person Ethan. The show's video crew tapes the confrontation, which quickly peters out, but the producers missed a great opportunity by not pulling the two girls aside and signing them to finish their fight in a cage mud wrestling match. Such a show could have easily been the highest rated show ever on the Oxygen channel.

The episode ends with the Janice taking her models to get the de rigueur South Florida early-bird dinner, and then on to salsa dancing lessons. Finally, on the dance floor, we get to see Danny Nunez show some movement and not just going from one stiff pose to another. Janice humorously did her impression of Elaine Benes' dance routine. The night was later capped off by the announcement of a surprise underwear runway show at the Mansion nighclub. It's good to know that the next and final episode of the season is guaranteed to show more flesh and bare hineys. Hopefully it will have enough to keep us going until season four.