Work Out: Briana Escapes

In season three, episode nine of Work Out, it was all about Jackie's fury over losing control over one of her minions, her girlfriend/serf Briana.

While Jackie was spying on Briana by searching through her phone, Jackie had found a message from Briana's ex-girlfriend saying "I love you." Since love, as in the ability to put someone else's needs above yours, is something that Jackie is incapable of, she was immediately jealous of someone else that could give it.

Jackie hauled Briana in to see her counselor, Dr. Shirley. Jackie spoke of why she was totally right and Briana was totally wrong. Unfortunately for Jackie, the doctor didn't just agree with Jackie, so Jackie turned to two people that she knew she had the power over to make them agree to anything she wanted them to. So Jackie went out to eat with Rebecca Cardon and Jesse Brune to talk about the problem that she has created with Briana.

Jackie expressed her bewilderment about Briana having a connection with any other human being. Jackie pointed out that Briana had one of the most essential qualifications for being Jackie's girlfriend: "She adores me. She's all about me." This confusion felt by Jackie reminded me of plantation owners who were completely surprised that their slaves would rise up for their freedom because they didn't enjoy being owned by Massa.

Rebecca and Jesse tried to play along, but Jesse being a compassionate person didn't want Briana to be hurt anymore. He knew that for a good person, a life lived with Jackie would be a living hell, so he encouraged Jackie to think about breaking up in order to protect Briana.

Later on, Greg Plitt, Renessa Williams and Rebecca spent an evening at Greg's. The good time was interrupted when Briana finally left Jackie's house, and Jackie called Rebecca and commanded her to appear before Jackie immediately and pretend to have sympathy. Jackie said she appreciated that Rebecca would drop whatever she was doing to help Jackie. Jackie didn't mention that Rebecca knows what terrible retribution Rebecca would face if she didn't do what she was ordered to do. Rebecca went to Jackie's house and again played along with every vile thing that Jackie spewed from her mouth about Briana.

Near the end of the episode, Briana showed up at Sky Sport with flowers, which Jackie liked because it was similar to be given a tribute offering from a vassal state. Sadly for Briana, she seems to be missing a necessary sense of revulsion. Human evolution has provided us with this sense to protect us from bad things that could harm us. We instinctively are repelled by the scent of old rotting meat. Apparently this scent has no effect on Briana.

At the close, Jackie summed up the third season by saying, "I'm at a place that I will do the best thing for myself." You know the place where you have no thought, no feeling, no concern for any other living thing other than yourself? Oh yeah, she's there.

Work Out: Straight To Video

In season three, episode eight of Work Out, it was all about the making of the work out DVD.

At the start of the episode, Andrea Ambandos, the director/producer of the DVD, continued to have worries about Jackie being able to show that she could handle some actual responsibility. Jackie had been making excuses for not finishing the preparations for making the DVD and Andrea was understandably concerned. To try to move things along, Andrea brought video choreographer Keli Roberts to Sky Sport and Spa, hoping that meeting with Jackie would force Jackie to work on planning her routines.

To show her usual contempt for other people, Jackie showed up for the meeting an hour late. She imperiously remarked, "Hey, this is how it is. If I have to make you wait twenty minutes ... you have to wait twenty minutes." This scene gave the viewers another example of what an obnoxious, disrespectful hypocrite Jackie is on the show. She had previously talked about how terrible it was when the trainers showed up late or when the clients made excuses. Is it any surprise that Jackie believes these things only apply to others and not to a person as high and mighty as she erroneously believes that she is?

Jackie expressed a lame thought she had about breaking the routine up into threes, saying "Good things come in threes." Unfortunately, this show in its 3rd season is definitely not a good thing. It has only served to erase any goodwill that Jackie had previously gained and showed everyone what a loathsome monster she is by the way she treats people.

To get ready for the taping, Jackie, realizing that she had let her body go to hell recently, spent a little time trying to get back in shape. She went training in the hills and slipped and fell on her coccyx. Truly this was the highlight of the season. It could only have been surpassed by a shot of her falling over the side of a cliff as well.

The other trainers for the DVD had to be selected, so Andrea and Jackie did an audition of the Sky Sport trainers. Everyone did some routines and they looked pretty good. Jesse Brune felt that Greg Plitt was definitely video-worthy, saying, "I would put Greg Plitt in my work out video before I'd put me in my workout video." I on the other hand would put Jesse in my video before anybody else. Of course my video would only be available in the adult section in the back of the video store instead of on bravotv.com, but it would still provide viewers some scenes of physically demanding action.

In the end Rebecca Cardon, Renessa Williams, Agostina Lanieri, and of course Jesse were cast. Jesse was a given for personality alone. Feeling pretty good about his selection, he said, "Jackie Warner has said to everyone, 'Hey, that Jesse, he's somebody.'" I agree with the affirmation, but I have to point out that the selections were clearly made on the basis of Jackie not allowing anyone to be in the video that she felt could upstage her.

To get ready for the taping, there was a practice session with Keli at Ography dance studio. Keli led the trainers in a "dance" aerobic routine, which showed that Jackie couldn't do routines in a choreographed way. Jackie indicated that she needed to do things like army fitness instead (to hide her lack of finesse). The more exciting thing to watch was Jesse when he lifted his shirt. He was hot and sweaty. Yummy. Jackie had also had Jesse take his shirt off during the audition. Two views of that attractive man flesh. Be still my heart.

The taping for the DVD was uneventful except for Jackie flubbing her lines and laughing, probably at the thought that anyone would be dumb enough to buy a Jackie Warner fitness dvd when there are so many others out there by actual celebrities.

In the other event of the episode, Jesse set up JD on a blind date. Jesse's reasoning was expressed as "Sweet JD. You know, JD has been after me since he's met me. So to deter him from that, I decided to set him up on a date." Jesse has a lot of trepidation about setting up anyone on date but it is not clear why that is. I've set up plenty of blind dates and never worried about it. My methodology is easy. I copy the names and phone numbers written over the urinal at the bar and hand them out to people I feel need a little help in meeting somebody nice. I know they will have a good time, because that's what the message states and because they don't have to stress about the possibility of a second date.

JD met his date Derek at Dolce restaurant. It's hard to watch people try to carry on in such an awkward situation. Even harder to watch is the mouth slobbering the two of them did at the end of the date. Saliva is for digesting food, not expressing attraction.

Jackie Warner: The Bad Seed

In season three, episode seven of Work Out, it was all about familial relations, especially the ties that grind. Jackie Warner's mom Karen came to visit and this gave Jackie another opportunity to make her mother feel embarrassed and distraught about her daughter's life and behavior.

Jackie stated that her mother is a fundamentalist, who thinks that Jackie is going to burn in Hellfire for the rest of eternity. Jackie said that her mom thinks this because Jackie is a lesbian, but if you ask me, I believe it is more likely that Jackie will be in the lake of fire because of her abusive insensitivity to fellow human beings and her ego's all-consuming worship of her imagined business skills. Also, we can't discount the possibility of a direct contract with Beelzebub to trade her soul for a fitness center. That may the only logical answer to how she ever got this far.

The mom arrived and Jackie lamented that she finds herself regressing around her mother. Oh great, that means an even more immature acting version of the bitch.

About her girlfriend Briana, Jackie says to her mom, "Don't scare this one off." Mom replied, "I haven't ever scared anybody off. You have a way of doing that." I guess Mom is pretty astute about her daughter's social skills.

Jackie kept asking her mom if she had any questions about Briana. Mom said she didn't, but I'm guessing she really wanted to ask Jackie how she could find anyone that could stand to be around her.

The visit quickly disintegrated into inevitable unhappiness because in typical Jackie fashion, she didn't care enough to tell her mom ahead of time that Briana's mother and sisters were coming to stay at Jackie's at the same time. Mom's trip from Dayton to spend quality time alone with Jackie was ruined.

Later, Jackie visited her counselor. I don't what methodology is being used, but I think for Jackie to get better, she needs to get to the point where she can stand up in front of a group and say, "I'm Jackie, and I'm a horrible person."

On a lighter note, Jesse Brune's sister Bethany visited him. She came with him to Sky Lab, where he helped her work out. Jesse told an anecdote about Bethany stealing Jackie's number from his cell phone and making a prank call to her. It would have been better if Bethany had written it on every restroom stall from L.A. to Yakima, but the prank would have been on the people who found it who would have gotten the extreme opposite of a good time.

Jesse and Bethany finished exercising and they went shopping. Just an aside: I want to go shopping with Jesse also and maybe spend some extended time with him in the fitting room.

Jesse also went shopping with his client Natalie for a "goal dress" at his friends' store "Sugar". I call that type of wear aspirational clothing. I have a few shirts with the price tags still on them in my closet that fit that description. Jesse told Natalie that he wanted her to get something that she was terrified of. I would like to get some clothing advice from Jesse, but I'm terrified of pleather and I hope Jesse wouldn't try to convince me to wear that.

Work Out: The All You Can Drink Diet

In season three, episode six of Work Out, it was all about how training clients to lead a healthy lifestyle doesn't preclude the trainers from getting liquored up and enjoying a lot of carb-free wine and booze.

The initial serving from the distilled grain alcohol food group came at the end of the first full day of Jackie Warner's Sky Lab retreat at Dolphin Bay Hotel and Residences. After Jackie went to bed in a futile attempt to get some beauty sleep, the trainers went to the hotel bar for some heavy-duty exercise of their livers and quaffing muscles.

Greg Plitt hit the sauce hard and proposed a tipsy toast to his fellow trainers: "To Skye for bringing us all together. Because without Skye, I wouldn't have known each individual and every single one of you has enriched my life and I hope that maybe I've enriched your life and I think we've all enriched each other's lives through the process." Really, I can't take the credit for bringing them all together, but I appreciate the sopping sentiment.

Erika Jacobson was then inspired by Greg's salute by slurring one of her own: "Here's to a great weekend with a lot of breakthroughs." Strangely, that statement turned out to be more of a premonition than an assessment as Darth Lisa, the menacing office manager of malicious intrigue, proceeded to let the tops of her boobs break out of her stretched open shirt for everyone to inspect. It was nasty. The better breakthrough would have been the one that Greg, as the typical drunken straight boy, was encouraging in Gregg Butler's crotch as Greg copped a substantial feel of Gregg's extra g. I guess it's a quick shot from physical trainer to snake charmer.

Greg "redeemed" himself by getting wasted and near naked with Renessa Williams in the pool and hot tub. I don't condone public displays of heterosexuality so I will censor any other comments about that scene.

Before the retreat ended, Jackie tried to make it seem more worthwhile to the paying clients by spending some time answering questions about nutrition. She talked about food additives, the concept of comfort foods and the need to eat foods that are filling but good for you. Unfortunately for the Sky Lab clients, they could have gotten the same information for free from the USDA's web site, all without forking over thousands of dollars to Jackie. On the other hand, Jesse Brune made the comment that "I don't think that it's a good retreat unless there's a little sex involved." Now to me that would be a good reason to blow your wad spending a weekend with your hunky trainer. It would even be worth listening to Jackie act like she's an expert about anything.

The second round of drinks during this episode came at the Doug Blasdell fundraiser. Brian Peeler was there and since his spirit was troubled from being fired, being separated from his wife, and being basically homeless, he used the good spirits from the cash bar to try to wash his bad ones away. The drinks made Brian a little exuberant but it was totally excusable under the circumstances. The disturbing part of it was when he shared a sloshed love segment with Jackie. He told her loved her, which was absolutely the vodka talking. Nothing that is less than 100 proof could cause anyone to act like they actually loved Jackie. Her emotionless response fortunately helped bring Brian to his senses and with a few fitting expletives he turned his back on the witch for the final time.

Jackie's Retreat From Humanity

In season three, episode five of Work Out, Jackie Warner took her clients and the trainers on an out-of-town retreat. To the viewers, it was like watching Mrs. Voorhees and the camp counselors going to Camp Crystal Lake. Even without the Friday the 13th theme music, you would have to know that nothing good could come from it. With Jackie around a group of strangely unconcerned victims, there were sure to be a lot of hurt feelings and injured bodies lying around.

At the beginning of the episode before the trip, Jackie continued to voice her hatred of Brian Peeler to anyone that would listen. It still infuriated Jackie that anyone had dared to stand up to her, especially a man like Brian. Of course, Jackie wouldn't want anyone to see that someone could successfully get her riled, so despite the fact that everything was captured on camera and despite the fact that all the trainers know what a tyrant she is, Jackie absurdly claimed that she handled Brian's firing "professionally". Such a statement is really beyond belief. It doesn't accurately show the kind of person that Jackie is, whereas her description of Shannon (Brian's Sky Lab partner that Jackie left in the lurch) as one her "pets", does. It's consistent with Jackie's treatment of people like animals. At least she reassigned Shannon to caring JD Jordan (who she told she had her (evil) eye on).

Greg Plitt, as a real stand up guy, spent some time with Brian to make sure he was okay. Greg told Brian that his standing up for his client while putting his job on the line showed real character. Greg also showed that he has a talent for analysis as he went on to say that Jackie attacks Peeler and her own friends for the same reason, that she is someone who has insecurities and who can't accept who they are so they have to belittle others. That's a pretty good observation.

There's no better group to belittle than a captive audience, so Jackie decided to take her Sky Lab clients to a retreat outside of L.A. She claimed she wanted them to have A life changing weekend. Much more likely was that she wanted to have an out of town trip that she could claim as a business expense and where she could cause maximum misery.

The Sky Lab trainers and clients traveled by bus to the Dolphin Bay Hotel and Residences. During the trip Jesse Brune acted as if he was about to kiss Jackie and she pulled away while joking about having cold sores. Jesse politely laughed in order to get along.

After they arrived and ate dinner, Jackie told only the trainers that the next day's activities would start at 5am. She could have told the clients as a courtesy, but her cruel streak wouldn't let her. "There will be tears!" she gleefully uttered.

The next day, Jackie overexerted the clients and particularly relished having obese Deenie walk on her injured ankle. When Deenie stated that she needed water, Jackie ridiculed and castigated her for being dehydrated. Deenie went and got water even though Jackie didn't want her to. It was nice to see Deenie stand up to the witch and also nice to see the Propel brand water bottles obscured after that advertiser couldn't take supporting such a vile person like Jackie after the bad treatment of Jamie Eason.

By the way, is anyone else tired of hearing any kind of exercise session or physical activity called a "boot camp"? I guess I'm having a finger boot camp on my keyboard right now.

At the end of the episode there was a group therapy session where the consensus of the group was to try to destroy whatever hint of self-respect Deenie still had for herself. There was an obvious desire by some of the clients to build themselves up by insulting her, especially super loser Micah. I gained new respect for Deenie for being able to withstand the abuse that was heaped on her and respect for Natalie for caring for a fellow human being rather than joining in the mob mentality. On the other hand, if possible, I lost even more respect for Jackie as she sat back and let it happen.

It was disappointing to see Jesse Brune join in the schoolyard taunts of Deenie and her weight problem. No man is perfect and it appears that Jesse's weakness is to go along with other people rather than standing up for what's right. I assume this behavior may have been caused by a feeling of being left out in his youth and now he goes out of his way to be part of the group. Since Natalie showed that she is willing to protect others even when it is not popular, I hope this is something that she can help her partner Jesse learn to be better at.

Jackie Warner: Bad Boss Or Just Evil?

In season three, episode four of Work Out, there is almost no airtime for Jesse Brune, so all the focus was on Jackie Warner's reign of terror over Sky Sport. Her inexorable displeasure with anything that is good or decent in this world was displayed as she disparaged the trainers and allowed her clients to be mocked.

After she returned from a lesbian cruise, Jackie returned home and spoke about it with her girlfriend, Briana. Jackie said that she "had it up to here with 'the trainers'". You have to image her saying it as one may talk about being around livestock or something else less than human. She went on to say, "Just, you know what? I'm not used to being in such small quarters with them. I can take them in doses, but to have to force socializing, like morning, noon and night..." It would have been interesting to hear from the female trainers what it was like being in close quarters with such a vicious creature like Jackie. Their story might have been another "Voyage of the Damned".

At work, Jackie talked to the Sky Lab clients. She wanted to know how they were bonding with their trainers. (Natalie said she and Jesse are practically best friends.) Jackie did a boot camp and was disappointed in the clients' performance (surprise). You know, maybe if she would stop having them exercise outside in the polluted air they wouldn't get winded so easily.

Inside, Lisa, the office's manager of gossip and malicious manipulation, narked to Jackie on Brian Peeler's previous conversation with Don Scott, which was shown in the previous episode. Jackie replied that she always hated Brian and then purportedly gave a list of Brian's faults, but which in fact accurately only described her. "Everything for Brian Peeler is about Brian Peeler" and "'Why aren't I getting enough attention'" and "He bulldozes in on everything." Replace the subject of these jabs with Jackie and it sounds much more believable.

Speaking of being desperate for attention, client Deenie blew up at her trainer Gregg Butler for not being focused enough on her. It sounded like she didn't need a trainer as much as she needs a boyfriend or a shrink or an outfit that resists stains such as a heavy cream sauce or tears (see video clip below). For me, if I'm paying someone for a service, I don't want them to pretend we're friends (unless of course the service is prostitution and the fantasy of the hour is being man's best friend on all fours).

In other news, Gregg Plitt and Erika Jacobson did a photo shoot together and they showed some attraction for each other. Boring.

The real drama of the episode was saved for the end. Jackie and Lisa watched Brian Peeler doing a session with famous fitness model Jamie Eason. One of the two Sky Sport women made fun of Jamie breasts. Jamie's boyfriend overheard the comments and told Jackie that Jamie was a breast cancer survivor. Jackie said the situation was an accident, as in an unfortunate accident that she got caught.

Later, after a meeting with the trainers to discuss making a fitness video, Brian asked to speak with Jackie. He wanted to discuss the Jamie affair. Since he was her trainer, and he was the one that put Jamie in a position to be ridiculed at Sky Sport, he was quite justified to tell Jackie how unacceptable her behavior had been. Jackie said she wasn't going to discuss it. Well, there didn't need to be a discussion. She just needed to sit back and be told what an implacable bitch she is, for whom getting karma cancer would still not be sufficient retribution for her being such a horrible person. She didn't want hear it so she ended up firing Brian to try to silence him.

As he left the office, Brian accurately pointed out that "she is just a worthless human body for doing that to somebody."

About the workout video: Jackie was given an opportunity to make an exercise dvd, proving again that any two-bit "celebrity" can make one. More refuse to fill up the bargain bins at Kmart. Jackie said she wanted to include her sexiest trainers, so of course that should mean that Jesse Brune would have to be included. We'll see.

Digest Of Week Ending 05-02-08

Sunday, April 27. 60 Minutes. There was a segment on the Israel Air Force. As I have said before, there are hot young men defending the Jewish homeland. Because of security reasons, they couldn't show the faces of the airmen, but you could tell they were as sexy as their earthbound counterparts in the IDF. There was also a piece on Supreme Court Justice Anthony Scalia. I believe his conservative views sway his decisions more than a search for justice. but I agree with the concept of original intent. When the original part of the Constitution or any of the amendments were written, they were done succinctly, capturing what the essence of the purpose of clause. They could do that, because most people at the time would know what the language was suppose to cover. The alternative would be to make each amendment contain as much small print as possible to cover every possible situation, like a legal contract. Amendments could be like 60 pages apiece. That's probably what we will see in the future.

Big Brother 9. Thank goodness Adam Jasinski won over Ryan Quicksall. I didn't care for either one of them, but between the two of them, I disliked Ryan more. When the jury was discussing the merits of the two finalists it sounded like they were learning towards Ryan. Egads! It looks like only Joshuah Welch stayed with Ryan till the end though. Was it because of a crush? Regardless, Joshuah made himself sound like an ass when he was trying to bitch out Adam for not being deferential enough to her highness. Joshuah needs to get over himself. On the internet feed he said things that made him seem even more creepy. He's the standard gay psycho bitch that reality TV loves to cast. On the other hand, if he follows through with his suggestion that he might do gay adult video, that could be worth watching. He and other BB9 cast members (including Sheila Kennedy and her son!) partied with Chi Chi LaRue after the wrap party.

Tuesday, April 29. American Idol. Jason Castro keeps getting weaker and weaker. I mean with the sound presence. It just keeps diminishing. Soon he will only be barely humming the songs. He's winding down and he needs to just wander off of the stage and into some smoky haze. I wish David Archuleta would have rather sang "Hello Again" instead of "Sweet Caroline". He could have had a classic performance with it. It's my favorite Neil Diamond song. I have to admit that Syesha did a reasonably good job with it, but I think it would be best sung by a male voice. This week seemed to be the happiest I have seen Archuleta. His eyes were twinkling on overdrive.

Wednesday, April 30. American Idol. I guess it doesn't matter what order the contestants leave before we get to the final two of David Archuleta and David Cook, but the order this season seems more random than in order of talent. Who would think that Brooke White should leave before Jason Castro? Speaking of Jason, wouldn't he be the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul? He could speak inane, not-quite-there blather as well as she has. Of course he might think people have sang four or five songs when they have only sang one, so it would probably be better to stick with Paula.

Thursday, May 1. Survivor. Finally, a dramatic usage of the hidden immunity idol when Amanda Kimmel saved herself and forced the elimination of Alexis Jones. I just with the usage of the idol would also allow the holder to rehide it by ramming it up the ass of the person leading their eviction effort. In this case, a quick thrust sideways up Natalie Bolton would be just what Nat deserved and would make a trip to exile island totally worth it.

Friday, May 2. 20/20: Secrets of the Sistine, Michelangelo's Mystery. This special presentation was about a set of absurd theories on what Michelangelo might have hidden in his imagery when he painted the Sistine Chapel. They only left out the possibility of a second savior on the grassy knoll and God flying in on his extraterrestrial spaceship to give Adam life.